By On February 27th, 2016

You can be rejected but not ruined!


Written by Lydia D’Ross, Ordained Minister and Outreach Chaplain for RENEWAL at Brookhaven Hospital

Many of us have gone through periods in our lives when we have felt rejected.  When you experience rejection, you might try to overcompensate in an attempt to be accepted. This is because we have not learned to overcome rejection. Rejection can make us turn away from our dreams because of the fear of being rejected again.

There’s a physiological basis to the pain of rejection. Research shows that rejection triggers the same brain pathways that are activated when we experience physical pain, Winch says. In other words, we can relive and re-experience psychological pain more vividly than we can physical pain.

Frequently, we take rejection more personally than we should.

Guy Winch, Ph.D., a HuffPost blogger, psychologist and author, notes that many times the rejection does 50 per cent of the damage and we do the other 50 per cent of the damage. “We start with this high volume of negative self-talk and criticism that takes the rejection to another level,” he says.

Rejection knows no bounds, invading social, romantic and job situations alike. And it feels terrible because “it communicates the sense to somebody that they’re not loved or not wanted, or not in some way valued,” explains Geraldine Downey, Ph.D, professor of psychology at Columbia University whose research is focused on rejection.

If we build a strong resilient attitude against rejection by building up our self-esteem, then when rejection comes, we are better equipped emotionally to handle the situation. Remind yourself every day, that you are loved and are valuable.

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