Why “Sexy Wife” Language Hurts Some Women
In the modern world, being a good Christian wife could have very different meanings for many different women. The modern world is far more overtly sexual, and the wife’s role as it is laid out in the Bible is often understood as a demand to please their husband.
Christian wives feel dual pressures to please their husbands and God alike while seeking their own happiness, and many confused women seek guidance as to how to actually do this. Some conventions for Christian women espouse suggestions like “being a hottie for your honey” and livening up the bedroom of married couples.
While a healthy sex life can absolutely be a part of a married Christian women’s life, there are women who have dealt with traumatic events in their past who aren’t comfortable “spicing up the bedroom” in the ways suggested.
Many women aren’t okay with feeling responsible using their sexuality in the ways these women suggest, and feeling like a good marriage and Christian lifestyle relies on a specific type of sex life to please a husband is incredibly damaging to women that are often already coping with a traumatic event.
There are an unbelievable number of women who have been sexually abused or assaulted in their lives, and many of them feel robbed of or uncomfortable with their sexuality as a result. The speakers telling women to “be sexy” perpetrate a version of the Bible twisted to demand sex from spouses.
Phil Monroe, a Christian Psychologist, explores how damaging these types of conventions and ideas about married Christian sexuality can be damaging to women as well as their husbands. He says, “we need better pictures of sexuality in marriage that recognize pleasure as something that can be had but not at the expense of reality of safety, vulnerability, and comfort.”
For a first hand perspective from a woman who endured one of those conventions preaching that women should “be sexy” but couldn’t stand what she heard, read Mary DeMuth’s account on Deeper Story.