July 28, 20063:13 pm
posted by Aric Thorpe, MHR

Choosing a Christian Counselor

Pastor David Martin of Regent University recently wrote an useful article on how to choose a Christian counselor. At a glance, one may think that there isn’t much to think about when choosing a counselor. However, when you consider that the emotional well being of yourself or a loved one is at stake you may want to be careful about your choice of a counselor. When seeking out a counselor do not be afraid to ask questions. “What is your general approach to counseling? How do you integrate Biblical truths into your counseling? Are you involved in a church? Which one and in what role are you involved? How do you integrate Biblical truths into your counseling? What part does prayer play in the way that you counsel? Do you pray with clients? What is your view on moral/ethical issues?” The following article discusses in-depth the considerations that one should make when choosing a Christian counselor:

When you as a Christian realize that you or someone you love is in need of counseling there are several issues that need to be addressed.

First is the stigma that seeking professional help may bring. In certain Christian circles professional help is viewed in a negative light, even when it is Christian. One has to see these counselors as a gift from God to bring His healing presence in your life.

Second is the task of finding a competent counseling professional who will truly integrate their faith into the counseling process. Unfortunately, not everyone who claims to be a “Christian counselor” operates with a personal and professional commitment to Christ-centered soul care. In order for a Christian to make a good decision about a Christian counseling professional, there are some important factors that need to be understood as well as the various options that are available to you.

Click here to read “Choosing a Christian Counselor”

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July 19, 20069:16 pm
posted by Aric Thorpe, MHR

Gary Smalley: Keys to Marital Success

Married couples can get into ruts in their relationship, unhealthy cycles of behavior that if left unchecked can damage the relationship permanently. The key, according to Gary Smalley, director of the Smalley Relationship Center, is identifying what couples are doing to perpetuate the cycle of unhealthy behavior. According to some of the research done by the Smalley Group, each individual in the marriage relationship has their own unique “fear or anger buttons;” These buttons or triggers could be “feeling inadequate, belittled, controlled, abandoned, rejected, and disconnected…” According to Smalley, learning your spouse’s particular triggers or buttons can end the cycle of unhealthy marital behavior. Here is an excerpt of the article:

I got a chance to chat by phone with this author of 19 books, including the Angel Award winning “The Language of Love,” and I discovered that the founder and chairman of the board for the Smalley Relationship Center was just as approachable over the phone as he would be if he were standing in my own living room. Having seen the divorce rate skyrocket, I was curious what this seasoned expert with 30-plus years of marital counseling experience had to say on the topic of spousal conflict and resolution. I was especially intrigued when I learned that separated couples that come to the counseling team at the Smalley Relationship Center can expect a 90 percent success rate of staying together. So, what’s the secret?

One of the things I noticed that Smalley encourages couples to do is to get involved in a group, perhaps a church group with a focus on married life or a group of friends. Additionally, when a marriage relationship is struggling, it’s a good idea to seek out a professional counselor, in particular one that keeps Christ as a central theme during your sessions. Click here for information on Christian marital counseling.

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8:47 pm
posted by Aric Thorpe, MHR

Responding to Grieving Families

At a recent conference entitled, “Understanding Grieving Families,” Paul V. Johnson of Hospice of the Lakes, Minneapolis, Minnesota outlined some important facts about grieving families. One common misconception noted by Johnson is the idea that all people grieve alike. The fact is that people all grieve in differing ways. Some of these differences are rooted in experiences of the past, as a child perhaps, suggested Johnson. Johnson also explained that family involvement during and after the loss of a loved one is one of the major components in dealing effectively with the grieving process. Here is an excerpt of the article:

Families sometimes erroneously believe that each member’s grief will be similar to the others’ because they have experienced the death of a specific person within their family system. In reality, however, each family member’s grief is unique. The specific nature of the relationship between each family member and the deceased varies, as will the particular history and social context of their relationship. Further, to fully understand grieving families, it is important to recognize that their grief is also affected by the relationships they have with each other and the “emotional legacies” they have created as a family and with the one who died.

Grieving over the loss of a loved one is a natural process. However, various scenarios may warrant the aid of a professional counselor to aid in the passing of a loved one. Click here for information on grief therapy counseling.

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July 10, 20062:37 pm
posted by Aric Thorpe, MHR

Can being right also be wrong?

Thriving relationships must contain a healthy dose of compromise. The fact is, even when someone is in the right concerning a particular issue, “I’m right and your wrong” is not necessarily what needs to be communicated. Sometimes winning is losing, especially when intimacy is involved. The following article discusses healthy marital communication and how to compromise. Below is an excerpt:

Recently my husband and I were debating over the purchase of a very costly item. He wanted it, and I did not. I was certain that it was something we did not need, and certain I did not want it. Well, honestly, I did want it a little bit, but my frugal upbringing was peering its cheap head and screaming, “Tell him NO WAY!” There were two very obvious reasons not to buy it: The one we have works fine, and we would not be able to save as much money each month. I was CERTAIN that I was right, we clearly did not need it!

Click here to read “Why is being right so wrong?”

Click here for information on christian marital counseling.

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July 6, 20066:26 pm
posted by Aric Thorpe, MHR

Do You Have Compassion Fatigue?

Many times professional boundaries, time alone and self-care in general are seen as selfish. However, the opposite is actually true. Whether employing one’s talents as a counselor, nurse, church professional, or any other occupation that involves continual giving, careful consideration of self must be a priority.

The following is an except of an excellent article about compassion fatigue written by Dr. Paul Carlisle, professor of pastoral counseling and care at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Liberty, Missouri:

Imagine walking down a wooded path. You come upon a man pinned under a huge boulder. He writhes in pain and cries out to you for help. You find a strong limb and with great effort pry the rock off the man. This is a picture of burden-bearing, which the apostle Paul encourages in Galatians 6:2. But in this passage, the word burden denotes a “crushing weight.” That’s a warning flare that burden-bearing is fraught with danger and requires extreme caution. Return to the woods for a moment. You are leveraging the boulder and your strength gives way. The huge rock rolls back onto you and the person you’re trying to rescue. Rather than lifting a burden, you, too, are now pinned by its weight. Clearly, you’re to help those crushed by life’s problems. Yet imbalanced burden-bearing makes Christians vulnerable to a serious condition known as compassion fatigue (CF) — that’s when the pain, hurt, and suffering of others crushes you. It’s the stress of caring too much.

Click here to read “Do You Have Compassion Fatigue?”

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